The Price Of Honest Self-Disclosure

Geplaatst op 10-12-2025

Editor's Note: A couple of months ago, a letter disguised as a comment arrived that was so thoughtful, it deserved to be shared with everyone. Below is that comment, followed by the author's response.

"I am writing this to let you know that I can no longer read your blog. I've been down with you since the start of this blog. I find you to be a highly skilled writer with a keen sense of how to present the complexities of life and the most complex relationship of all, that of human beings / man and woman, into the simplest of terms. Many of your writings seeming to be well thought out with a profound moral or deep sorting of what is held in you pensive mind. However, these last post have turned me off as a reader. It seemed as though you were not confronting the behavior displayed by some men with deep thought, and instead making an excuse for it with your own indiscretions as a man. Then it became clear, that this isn't a blog to edify yourself and readers, rather, it was a blog to selfishly chronicle your own relationship woes while never challenging or probing yourself to do what would seem so natural with time, and that is to simply Grow. Maturity and wisdom are afforded to us with time. However it is clear that some and many men (and women) choose to waywardly peruse through life as hollowed out beings void of feeling, void of storing memory, void of internal confrontation with ones self, and void of ever possibly growing. If you're not growing, then you're dying. Thanks for the crass jokes, satire, bitter analysis of some points in love, and most importantly the laughs Jozen, this blog, is dead to me officially. Cheers until you get married." — Anonymous commenter

The Audience Problem And The Honesty Dilemma

When I first started publishing at Loveawake blog, most of my readers were women, and most of those women knew me in real life. As a matter of fact, when I was researching backgrounds for this blog, I was at the apartment of a woman I was dating.

Back then, I knew my blog would be a difficult thing to maintain or explain because my intention was to be as honest as I could be about my dating life and my views on my relationships. Of course, I also knew just because I was willing to put myself out on public display, doesn't mean the women I date or dated had to do the same.

For the most part, I've maintained a fairly good job of keeping the women in my life I write about anonymous. Going on six months, and no woman I have been involved with has accused me of airing out her dirty laundry. Even Panama laughed at the post I wrote about her.

The problem I have developed, rather than keeping women anonymous, is keeping the women I date interested in my blog, and I guess in some ways, I can't blame them. I'm honest to a fault, and I don't even try to hide behind something like a pen name. My name, my business, my mess, and I post it on here five days a week for everyone to discuss or talk about. Connecting with women through conversation about vulnerable topics requires a delicate balance.

As a consequence, over the past few months, the women who have been in and out of my life (and even the women who haven't) have always taken issue at some point with my blog. Just last week, one of woman I like told me she's going to stop reading my blog because it's getting harder for her to read about other women, to which I said, I understand. Of course I don't want to lose readers, especially the ones who like me in real life, but if I don't blog at all, then I get no readers period.

The Purpose Of The Work And The Price Of Authenticity

The thing about my blog is it's about me first, the women second. It isn't to "edify" myself or others and I honestly believe that's part of the appeal. Nobody, in my opinion, should be able to speak about other people's relationships before they're willing to speak on their own. The title of this blog is Until I Get Married. Thus, what this blog is about is my search and my journey through bachelorhood, and like most people on a similar journey it's a bumpy road, filled with ups and downs. I love how women have held down my blog, but I've also made great efforts to write something men enjoy reading too, which is probably why some women have been turned off by what I write.

A question a lot of women ask me is whether or not the blog has helped my dating life, and some even ask me or assume it's helped my sex life. But the truth is, it has helped neither. How to be what women want involves showing your authentic self, not performing for validation.

If anything, it's probably messed up more relationships than it's helped create because I don't hold anything back, or rather, I don't hold back anything for anyone else but myself. Trust rebuilds through transparency and continued honest effort over time.

Still, I keep the blog going no matter how much of a hindrance it has become. I am a writer, a real one. I don't have a day job. This is my day job, along with the other things I write for other publications, so every morning I wake up, I log on to my Wordpress account, and try to create something out of thin air to share with all of my readers. It isn't to glorify my life, it isn't to help me get more women. It's to help me become a better writer (writing is like a work out, for maximum results, do it often) and honestly, to help me become a better person. Some days I show my ugly, and some days I show my beauty. Some days I write with my heart, and some days I write with my head (both of them). All days, I write with feeling.

The price of it all is another girl won't read my blog, and it might be some girl I know or it might be some girl I don't. Either way, until I get married, this blog stays and I sincerely hope, you all stay with me.